she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
