His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
