dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
