I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
