So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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