nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
