I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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