my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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