Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
