Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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