Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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