i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
