Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ok first of all what the fuck
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
