We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
