If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my being single is dangerous.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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