He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize