he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
