Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
