Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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