you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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