i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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