i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
