Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
third nipple confirmed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
