The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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