i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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