I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
