I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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