Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
