doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
