Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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