she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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