and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
