awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
