Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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