That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
