Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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