Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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