Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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