My liver just broke up with me...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
