Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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