I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
