That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
