McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You need a sexual gate keeper
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
