No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
