I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
