It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
