planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
