nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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