You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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