I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm passing your future prison.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will be naked everywhere
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
