I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
