cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
