One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
