dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
